The Best You Could (Bridgerton fic)

[susieboo]

Title: The Best You Could
Fandom: Bridgerton
Rating: General
Characters: Marina Thompson, Eloise Bridgerton
Pairing(s): Marina/Eloise
Content Warnings: Referenced infidelity and lying to partner
Summary: Four years after marrying Colin Bridgerton, Marina confesses the truth: their twins aren't his. In the fallout, Eloise comes to comfort her. [Marina/Eloise oneshot, set in an AU where Marina's secret wasn't revealed by Whistledown, and she married Colin.]

Author's notes: Originally written for a fill for femslashfete . Marina Thompson deserved better.

AO3 link here.

It was probably inevitable for things to end up this way, Marina realized. Colin was a good man, that was part of why she had chosen him, and in the early days of their marriage, he'd worshiped her. That was the power of infatuation, to turn an ordinary stranger into a goddess on earth.

But the thing about infatuation was that it was fickle, and prone to fading. And, about a year into the marriage, a few months after the twins were born, that was what had begun to happen. Marina wasn't hurt, exactly; it wasn't as though she'd married Colin because she was madly in love with him. But she couldn't pretend her ego wasn't a little wounded when he began to withdraw, when their interactions became more distant and polite. Still, it wasn't a bad life. They raised the twins together—how lucky, Colin said, that they were blessed with children so soon after their wedding night. Marina just smiled as hard as she could. They had pleasant conversations, looked incredible together at balls. They weren't the happiest married couple in the ton, but they were far from the unhappiest.

That was why Marina couldn't fully explain to herself what on Earth had driven her to ruin it all, but she had.

Four years into their marriage, Marina told Colin everything. George, her pregnancy, everything.

Marina wasn't out on the streets, and no one outside the immediate family knew, so in some ways, it had gone better than she'd expected. But he'd been angry, and hurt. He hadn't screamed, or called her names, or disowned the twins. If he'd done all that, Marina could've fired back, gotten defensive, protected herself the best way she knew how. But instead, Colin had cried and tried to hide it, asked her how she could lie to him for so long, asked if she'd ever, ever loved him. And, worst of all, he'd confirmed what she'd long since suspected. "I'd have married you anyway, if you'd told me the truth. You didn't have to lie."

Marina had moved into a separate bedroom, telling Colin she understood if he needed time. A week later, and she was still there, and suspected she would be for the foreseeable future. Hardly anyone in the family had spoken to her. Violet wouldn't look her in the eye, and had only asked her, "How could you?", which hadn't surprised Marina, but still hurt. Benedict and Anthony were mostly focused on comforting Colin, but Kate and Hyacinth, God bless them, had tasked themselves with keeping the twins happy and distracted and oblivious. Marina envied her children for being so young as to not notice when a hurricane was destroying normal life all around them.

No one had been horrible, but in some ways, the cold civility was worse, especially when Marina caught snippets of the whispered conversations they had after she left a room. How could she take advantage of Colin like that? Why would she lie to us all for so long? What was she thinking?

Marina didn't bother to answer. It wasn't as though any of them were interested in actually asking her directly.

She knew Eloise and Francesca had returned from Scotland the night previous, and she was sure they were being brought up to speed on the events of the last week, but she hadn't expected either of them to speak to her once they knew. She and Eloise had exchanged many letters while she was away, and she and Francesca had always been friendly, but Marina expected all of that to come to an end now. So it was a surprise when, after supper one night, Eloise knocked on the door of the room Marina had claimed as her own.

"Eloise," Marina said. "Do come in."

It felt strange to be acting so polite when they both knew what Eloise would want to talk about. But they nodded at one another, and sat across from one another, Marina on her bed and Eloise in a chair, both keeping their hands folded in their laps.

Marina was struck by how much Eloise had changed in the months she was away. She'd always found Eloise pretty, but now she seemed so much more assured, so much more comfortable in her own skin. But her eyes, inquisitive and intelligent, were as she remembered them.

"How are you?" Eloise finally asked. It was the first time anyone had asked her that in a week.

"Can't complain."

"I highly doubt that."

Marina exhaled, her shoulders slumping. "It has been hard," she admitted.

"Colin told me what happened."

"I knew he would. Or someone would, at any rate."

Marina sat there, waiting for Eloise to scold her, to ask how she could do this, but she didn't. Instead, Eloise said, "I'm just glad this has stayed out of Whistledown."

"Me, too. It'd ruin Amanda and Oliver, and I can't have that."

"Will you tell them about this? When they're older?"

"I haven't decided. It's all too much to think about at this moment."

"I can't even begin to imagine."

They sat in silence, neither looking away from the other's face. Marina often caught Eloise staring at her, but she'd never minded. When Eloise stared at her, it was in the manner of one admiring a work of art. Marina was addicted to that feeling, shallow as she was sure that sounded.

"Colin will forgive you," Eloise said suddenly. "Eventually."

"What makes you so certain?" Marina asked.

"Because he loved you once," she said, "and even if he doesn't… feel quite as strongly as he once did, I also know my brother isn't one to let love fade away entirely. And he knows you're a good person."

"Does he?" she asked with a scoff. She doubted she knew that herself, these days.

"Yes. He does, of course he does. We all do. I think even my mother still knows that, she's just angry at the moment, but we… You are family, and we all know who you are. And I think with time to reflect, Colin will understand that you didn't do this to hurt him, or out of selfishness. You were just… doing the best you could. For yourself, and for the twins. And he loves those children."

"He does." Colin absolutely doted on Amanda and Oliver and, to his credit, he hadn't pulled away from them even after Marina admitted the truth. She did feel confident that, no matter what happened to her, the children would be treated well. "I just hate this. I almost wish I hadn't told him."

"Why did you?"

"Because I… I was tired of carrying the secret around." Marina sighed. "And with Lady Featherington knowing, I knew it was only a matter of time until she told someone or tried to use it against me, especially with her money troubles, and every time I saw her I was just… waiting for her to expose me. And when she didn't, it just hung in the air between us, and I could see the judgment in her eyes. I could certainly see it in my own, when I looked in the mirror."

"I wish you didn't," Eloise said. "You've nothing to be ashamed of. It's not your fault you were born into a world that forces you to make choices like this in order to protect yourself."

"You are too kind to me, Eloise."

"Good. Someone ought to be too kind to you."

Marina felt heat flushing her face, and she had to fight the urge to throw her arms around Eloise and squeeze as tightly as she could. Over the past four years, Eloise had been a constant presence. She was more than an in-law; she was a friend, and Marina hadn't realized how terrified she was of losing her until this moment. Knowing that Eloise didn't hate her, didn't judge her, bolstered her more than she'd expected. Maybe, she thought, it really would be alright.

"May I ask you a question?" Eloise asked softly.

"Yes."

"Did you ever love Colin?"

Marina sighed. "No," she said simply. "Not the way I loved George. I like him very much, and maybe if I hadn't already known George when we met…" She trailed off, shaking her head. "No, it was never like that for me. I did try. I tried to love him the way a wife should, but you just can't force these things. Perhaps George was it for me."

Eloise looked away, and she looked very much like she wanted to say something, but she didn't, leaving the two women to sit in silence for several long moments.

"I never thought I'd get married," Eloise said suddenly. "I still don't think I will. Mama won't force me, and there's never been—I've never seen the appeal of such an arrangement."

"I can't imagine Colin and I have improved your view of the arrangement," Marina said, tone light despite the bitter truth behind the words.

"No." She chuckled sadly.

"What if you fell in love?" Marina asked.

"It wouldn't change anything. Not for me."

Marina wasn't sure whether to be saddened by Eloise's cynicism, or impressed by her commitment.

"Anyone would be very lucky to have you," she said.

"I know," Eloise replied. Their eyes met, and Eloise smiled, and the two began to laugh.

"Thank you," Marina said. "For coming to talk to me. I—I was worried we wouldn't be able to be friends, given everything."

"Of course we can," Eloise said. She reached for Marina's hand, and Marina gladly let her take it. Eloise's skin was warm against her own. "Your friendship means far too much to me for me to let this come between us."

"What about you and Colin?"

"If he expects me to take sides, then he's a fool, more so if he expects me to throw you over."

"He's your brother."

"I have three others."

"Eloise!" Marina says, half-shocked and half-amused, and Eloise simply shrugs, her impish smile lighting Marina up from the inside. "You really aren't angry with me? Not even a little?"

"I know some part of me ought to be," Eloise admitted. "But no. I'm not. Don't tell Colin."

Marina squeezed her hand. "Thank you," she said. "I couldn't bear to lose you, too."

Eloise blushed, and then, after a moment's hesitation, she brought Marina's hand to her lips, kissing it like a suitor would. Marina's eyes widened, and she couldn't even begin to process what this meant—why her heart was racing, why she didn't pull away from Eloise—before Eloise abruptly dropped her hand, and stood.

"I should go," she said. "I've got to write to some people, let them know I'm home."

"Eloise—" Marina didn't know what she was about to say, she just needed to stop Eloise from leaving.

"We don't need to… Nothing needs to change between us." She wouldn't look Marina in the eye, and her hands were trembling. Marina had never seen Eloise looking this uncertain.

Marina stood, and before Eloise could turn to walk out the door, she threw her arms around her in an embrace. Eloise stumbled, obviously surprised, before hugging Marina back, the two women clinging to each other so tightly they could each feel the other's heartbeat. Marina's knees went weak, and she found herself wanting to ask Eloise to kiss her hand again, but she didn't, because that would be absurd.

The two eventually pulled away without a word, bidding each other good night with silent nods, and Eloise took her leave. Marina sank to sit back down on her bed, feeling dazed and exhausted. She didn't know if or when Colin would speak to her again, or how to handle the rest of the family. She didn't know when she'd tell her children the truth, or what she'd do if anyone else ever found out.

What she did know was that Eloise had been wrong. Something had changed between them. Marina and Eloise were still friends, and she hoped they always would be. But now there was something else; something Marina didn't fully understand, but found herself longing for, just a little.

Change wasn't always bad. Marina just had to hope they could handle it.